A Real Reason to Celebrate

Sunday, December 12, 2010. Allie convinced me to go to church – not that I needed convincing. I have a number of irrational fears, one of which has to do with being alone in places where normal people have friends, i.e. church. It’s not that I don’t have friends… okay, yes it is. I figured that if there was one place that God would bless me with friends, it would be at church. I was right. Allie is a good, righteous, social gal who happens to be in the ward choir. Before Allie went to sit on the stand to share her beautiful voice (in a solo!), she told a Miss Emily Dutson that I would sit by her. I’d met Emily a couple of times, but we didn't really know each other. Allie loved her though. After I sat down next to Emily, Allie took her place on the stand with the rest of the choir. Emily and I talked a little bit before the meeting started. She was honestly, one of the nicest people I had ever talked to. She seemed genuinely interested in my answers to her questions.

“Have I already asked you how many friends you have?” She asked me, after a brief pause in our conversation.

Normally, it takes people a little longer to notice that I don’t have very many friends. Boy she caught on fast. Is it really that obvious? It’s because Allie told her that I’d sit next to her while she was singing with the choir. Oh my gosh, this is so embarrassing.

“Well, I don’t really get out very much. I mean, I’m not really shy, I’m just not very social. I have a couple of friends who go up here who worked at scout camp with me, but I don’t go to very many ward activities, so I don’t know very many people in our ward…” and so on.

After I finished rambling about my lack of friends, I looked over at Emily. She had this really confused look on her face.

“So you don’t have very many finals?”

That conversation definitely made it into my top 5 most embarrassing moments. After I told Emily what I thought she had said, she briefly laughed with me and then she was very polite in acting like I didn’t just spend the last three minutes coming up with excuses as to why I don’t have any friends. Like I said, one of the nicest and easiest people to talk to.

~*~

Thursday, December 23, 2010. Emily Dutson was taken off of life support earlier tonight. Last Friday, less than a week after we had become friends, she was in a head on car collision with her mother, who was killed at the scene. Emily was leaving to serve an LDS mission in Toronto, Canada on January 19, 2011.

I kept thinking about that car crash, wondering how God could do this to her family. It’s two days before Christmas and they just lost their mother and sister – wife and daughter. I was so confused by this that I didn’t even cry. Like, “Yeah right. God wouldn’t do that. Tomorrow, we’re going to get the news that this was all a joke and Emily and her mother are both fine”.

I realize now that that’s not how it works.

We celebrate Christmas for a reason. It’s the birthday of our Savior – our Savior who came into this life for us. He gave his own life for us – so that we can be with our families and loved ones forever. Emily isn’t gone – not really. Because of Jesus Christ, she’ll always be with us. That is a real reason to celebrate. 

Side walk cracks

teaching lessons

from caught high heels

or stubbed toes.

sheltering potato bugs

from pinching fingers

racing bike tires

or ants

from stomping feet.

taming the boredom

of our raging minds

as we walk

counting

avoiding

as we all secretly do.

Parachutes

**This is an "essay" I wrote for one of my friends Psych labs last year - it was meant as a complete joke, but he turned it in anyways.... And just so you know, he didn't get any credit for it. Writing it was pretty amusing though.    

      The other day, I was riding in a jet at 33,000 feet. I was training for a secret mission that cannot be disclosed here. Eventually the jet lost an engine because a gnat flew into it and made it explode. I had to jump out and eventually I was able to open my parachute otherwise I would be dead right now. As a released my parachute, I got whiplash (I found out after I landed that I would need to wear a ridiculous neck brace). Before I landed, I saw where I was directed, and I was headed right towards the bears lair of the local neighborhood zoo. I feared for my life, so I blew air up into the parachute and was able to change directions. I ended up landing in the alligators swamp. I quickly untied myself from the parachute and proceeded to walk across the water on the alligators noses. The alligators were snapping, shoes were flying off, “and then the fists were flying and the other guy grabs a brick” (Horton Hears a Who!). Eventually, I made it out of the swamp with only my right leg missing. I considered myself rather fortunate to have survived at all. As I was making my way to the exit of the zoo, a group of girl scouts surrounded me. They threatened to beat me up if I didn't buy their cookies. They were such a nasty looking group of girls that I just had to give them all my money. I basically had no choice. I didn't even get my cookies. Then, a koala bear came out of nowhere! It was fat and mean looking, so naturally, I took it home with me. I classically conditioned it to bring me salami every morning when my alarm went off. After a few weeks of this, my koala bear died because my neighbor shot it with his sniper rifle. See, we were training for the same secret mission that day that I was in the jet and crashed because a gnat flew into the engine and made it explode. My neighbor lost his eye. Yeah. Then my neighbor and I played a thrilling game of monopoly. I won and then my neighbor had to buy me a yacht. But I didn't have any water to put it in so I put it in my bath tub. It was a really big bath tub, you see. Eventually, I found some parachutes in my yacht and they reminded me of the day I parachuted out of the jet at 33,000 feet and landed in the alligator swamp of our local neighborhood zoo. A few days later, I was doing some observational research while observing a pride of lions in Africa. Africa is a beautiful place, you see. I spent many a day on a safari there while I observed this pride of lions. Then, one day, one of the lions attacked me! I tried to run for my life, but I only had one leg because the other was gnawed off by alligators! The lion bit off my ear! Now I’m a man with only one leg and one ear!

Amaar and Sophie Make a Discovery!

**So, this is a story I wrote for my Islamic Visual Cultures class. I'll let you know next week if I passed. PS It is meant to be a children's story.     

     Amaar stood outside the large gleaming blue and gold building. He knew this place well, for he had been coming here since his childhood. The building was beautiful – Amaar had always thought that – yet it was so different from most other buildings he had seen.  It was within the walls of this very building that Amaar had decided that he wanted to become and architect. When his mother asked him, “Why an architect?” he replied with, “I want to build buildings as beautiful and significant as the Dome of the Rock and the Taj Mahal!”  Though, at the time, that answer seemed perfectly sound, now that he was standing so close to the beautiful building, he couldn’t figure out why it was shaped so differently. Amaar decided right then and there that he would solve this mystery and that when he did, he would be able to build buildings just like the Dome of the Rock and the Taj Mahal! With new resolve, Amaar began walking into the Dome of the Rock, hoping to find someone who could answer his questions.

~*~

     Sophie roamed the halls of the Dome of the Rock almost as confused as when she first arrived nearly three hours ago.  She had left her home in Burlington, New Jersey only two days before with the hopes of finding some sort of connection between the more common religions in America, such as Catholicism and Mormonism and that of the Muslims. She had figured that since the Dome of the Rock was the holiest place in Jerusalem, she would start there – however, it was not proving to be as helpful as she thought it would be. Finally, after deciding that she would try again tomorrow, Sophie left the cool comfort of the Dome of the Rock without even bothering to put all the books and papers she was carrying into her backpack. Squinting in the bright light of the sun, Sophie tried to hurry through the maze of people wandering outside the Dome of the Rock, wanting to get home as soon as possible. However, before she could get very far, she tripped! All the books and papers she had been carrying flew from her arms and scattered all around her. Embarrassed and slightly angry with herself, she began to pick up all of her belongings, only to notice a young boy helping her.

“Thank you for your help.” She said to the boy as she reached for the book he was holding. The boy however, did not hand her the book. Sophie then noticed that the book was flipped open to a page comparing a Mormon temple and a Catholic cathedral and that the boy was staring very intently at the two buildings

“They are beautiful buildings, aren’t they?” She said when she realized that the boy must be interested in them.

“Their shapes are very curious.” replied the boy.

“Yeah, most religious buildings in America are a bit different from other buildings – just like the Dome of the Rock. You don’t really see very many octagonal buildings, do you?” asked Sophie.

     The young boy then told her that his name was Amaar and that he wanted to know why these buildings were shaped so differently. Sophie agreed to help Amaar, hoping that some of her own questions might get answered as well.

~*~

      Amaar decided that the best place to start would be with one of his favorite teachers from school. Mr. Khalil had been teaching math at the local school for several years. He was particularly fond of Amaar, and agreed to help him and Sophie with their quest.

     Mr. Khalil looked at the pictures of the LDS temples, Catholic Cathedrals, the Dome of the Rock, and the Taj Mahal trying to find some sort of reoccurring theme in all the oddly shaped buildings. For a long time he looked at the pictures of the buildings from the three different religions. Then, after what seemed like hours to Amaar and Sophie, Mr. Khalil finally looked up at the two of them, a huge smile adorning his face. The thing he did next slightly shocked the two students, for it was something neither of them would have even thought about doing. Mr. Khalil took a ruler and a black marker from one of the drawers in his desk and drew a thick black line down the middle of each of the buildings.

“Do you know what this means?” Mr. Khalil asked Amaar and Sophie.

“That I’m going to have to pay the library for these books?” asked Sophie, slightly worried.

“It means that all of these buildings are symmetrical!” replied Mr. Khalil. “See? Each building is exactly the same on each side of the black line!”

Mr. Khalil was clearly excited about this discovery, yet Amaar and Sophie were still very confused.

“I read this article a couple days ago,” Mr. Khalil said. “It explained that unity is the principle meaning behind symmetry.”

“That means that the architects of these buildings didn’t just come up with weird designs! They were using architecture to represent unity in their religions!” exclaimed Amaar.

“All three of these religions use geometry, symmetry, and unity in their architecture! I’ve found the connection I’ve been looking for!” rejoiced Sophie.

~*~

     And so it was. Amaar went on to discover that the Dome of the Rock was built by Muslims on Temple Mount following the conquering of Jerusalem after a four hundred year Christian rule. It was built in the shape of an octagon to represent the power of unity in the Islamic religion. Amaar also learned that the Taj Mahal was built symmetrically to respect the Emperor Shah Jahan’s dead wife and to show the unity of the two lovers. He went on to become a very influential Islamic architect.

     Sophie went back home to Burlington and was able to explain to all of her friends and family that the Islamic religion is not that different from the more common religions in America. She went on to become a professor of “Religions throughout the World” at a college close to her home. Oh, and she did end up paying for those library books. 

Kidney Shaped Cuff Links

"Be the change you wish to
see in the world" - Ghandi

Once upon two years ago

A man donated his kidney.

To a young woman went the organ,

She came from The Rocks of Sydney.

Anonymous this was supposed to be,

But the girl had something else in mind,

For she wanted to meet this mystery man –

The one who saved her from death’s bind.

So at Rainbow Gardens they finally did meet,

His family and her close friend.

Together they dined on delicious food

Thankful it’s no longer her end.

When all were done eating and after chatting a while,

The girl said she had something for him.

Then out of her purse she pulled a small box,

And out stretched her weak nimble limb.

Slowly he opened the little blue package,

“Tiffany’s” read the gold brand name,

And there in white velvet laid kidney-shaped cuff links,

Shiny and silver they came.

Two little cuff links, in a drawing of hands,

Mean the world to the man’s daughter –
Who admires, through tear stained eyes,
Her hero and best friend: her father.

We Were Nomads, Bathed in Concrete

We were nomads, bathed in concrete;

Stiff bones refusing to move,

Wandering souls refusing to settle.

Nothingness was consuming,

Suffocating.

Lungs already pushed flat,

Air already gone.

No one knew.

No one cared.

Loneliness hurt more than nothingness,

More than suffocating.

There was no one to think about;

No one to dream about –

Not really.

Days of dancing, kissing in the rain were gone.

Running through sprinklers,

Friday movie night,

Red worn down converse.

It was all gone.

Never again a possibility.

Like a first kiss – 

The only thing left was regret.

Terrifying, heart wrenching regret.

And loneliness.

PSYCH 1010

Ever since I took a general Psychology class my freshman year at Utah State, I can’t get the philosophies and theories out of my head. I’m in the car with my little brother at a red light. A car pulls up to us in the next lane. The light turns green and the car zooms ahead of us as fast as it can – like the driver is pretending to race us. I turn to Cache as we follow the car through the green light,

 “Cache! I learned all about that in…”

“Your Psychology class, I know.” He finishes for me. Cache could probably take the same tests I took and pass them without ever taking the class – that’s how much I talk about it. (People really are much more likely to go faster when the light turns green if there is another car next to them as opposed to being alone when the light changes – true story.)

Every time I’m talking to someone and they experience a slip-of-the-tongue and say something totally random and weird, I can’t help but yell “Freudian slip!” I’ll use myself as an example. Oft times, I get the words anonymous and unanimous mixed up. When I’m talking about my dad anonymously donating his kidney, I’ll sometimes slip up and say that he unanimously donated his kidney – that would be a Freudian slip. Freud was all about the unconscious. He believed that these slip-of-the-tongue experiences showed the unconscious thoughts and desires of the person experiencing the slip. Freud would say that unconsciously, maybe I feel like my dad should have told the world about what he was doing to save another person’s life, instead of just shrugging it off like, “oh, people donate their kidneys to random strangers all the time”. In reality, my dad’s story is life-changing – for the person who received his kidney, and for those lucky enough to have heard it. And I can totally respect the fact that he didn’t want to make a big deal out of it – at least consciously I can…

Just one last thing that is constantly running through my head is Ivan Pavlov and his classical conditioning phenomenon. While conducting an experiment on the gastric function of dogs by collecting saliva, Pavlov noticed that dogs tended to salivate before food was delivered to them.  Redirecting his research, Pavlov began introducing an unconditioned stimulus to the dogs before the food was brought out to them. A conditioned stimulus is one that our bodies have a natural reflex toward. In this case, the dogs salivate when they are brought food. An unconditioned stimulus is one that our body is not trained to react to. In this experiment, Pavlov used a bell. He would ring the bell right before the food was brought to the dogs. Soon enough, the dogs would begin to salivate as soon as the bell was rung because they knew it meant that food was coming. The dogs were classically conditioned to salivate at the sound of a bell. I have classically conditioned myself to fall asleep to certain songs by Norah Jones. A couple months ago, I would play her CD every night as I was falling asleep. Now, during nights that I can’t sleep, I pop in my good ol’ Norah Jones CD, and I’m out before the 5^th song is over. My body has associated Norah Jones’ music with falling asleep. If I listen to that same CD during the day, my body thinks it’s time for bed and I start to get super tired. Every day, I see people doing things, and I think to myself, “They were TOTALLY classically conditioned to do that!”

At the beginning of my class, the professor asked what we, as students, expected out of the course. One student raised his hand and said that he wanted his “mind to be blown”. Boy, did my teacher ever come through! It blows my mind, the things you can do with your… mind. I’ll tell you, if you ever get a chance to take a psychology class, don’t let it pass you by. Maybe your mind will be blown, too.