The Five Stages of Grief (Part 1)
The Five Stages of Grief: denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, acceptance.
We meet again.
Denial has been taking over my mind for days now - maybe even weeks. Your Grandma is not feeling good. Your Grandma is not eating. Your Grandma is having a hard time breathing. She'll be fine. She'll get through this - she always does. Your Grandma is only going to get worse. Your Grandma only has a few days left - it could be tonight even, or tomorrow.
Oh.
This is real. This is happening again. Anger. Raging anger. Because your Grandma is gone. Because this women you have looked up to for your whole life is actually gone. I've always noticed that bad things tend to happen to good people. Dad, doesn't that make you wonder when it will be our turn? Now. Our turn is now. Here is a horrible, difficult, impossible part of life. Now deal with it.
But not without God's help.
And that lessens the anger a little bit.
Bargaining is not part of my grieving process - it never has been. It feels... tacky. Everything happens for a reason, so why questions God's motives. Instead, just cry. Cry, and cry, and cry. Cry until you think there are no tears left. Cry because you miss your Grandma. Cry because your dad just lost his mother. His mother. Cry because you are so grateful your mother is still here. Cry until you fall asleep. And then wake up and continue crying. Let the sadness consume you, because being sad is better than being numb.
And then suddenly, you're done crying. You feel loving, warm, familiar arms around you - even though no one else is there. And you remember how much your Grandma missed her loving, sweet husband, and how happy she is to be with him again - forever this time. And it's hard to be sad or angry when you know how happy she is. And she's standing with her husband, and her parents, and her siblings at the right hand of God - and they are all smiling, and waiting for the rest of us to join them in Eternity. They're happy. So this wasn't horrible and impossible after all. It was marvelous, and wonderful! And she's happy! And it's okay for you to be happy that she's happy, because that is what she would want. And acceptance comes easier, and more quickly because you know that you will see her again someday.
Next week we will be laying to rest my dear, sweet Grandmother next to my loving Grandfather, and we will be rejoicing in the knowledge that they are together forever at last.
OGDEN – Zona Allen Hancey, 82, passed away peacefully Thursday, November 8, 2012 of causes incident to age. She was born on April 19, 1930 in Portage, Utah to John and Louisa Allen. Zona was one of five children, all of whom dearly loved one another and were proud of their heritage and hometown. The people of Portage lived quiet, simple lives of faith, testimony and service that found a welcome home in Zona's heart all her days. Charity, the pure love of Christ, was the lodestone of virtues that governed her life.
Along with her sisters, Helen, Mary and Eloise, and brother Jay, Zona looked after the family home and their mother while their father herded sheep in the hills surrounding Portage. She refused to leave her mother alone and would frequently forgo trips into Tremonton or Malad with friends so her mother would have company and help with the chores. The friends she made there and in Ogden, including her co-workers at the IRS, remained the kind of friends who understood what's important in life and remained true and faithful to one another and their Savior even in the most difficult of circumstances.
Zona loved being a mother. She chauffeured, cooked, made and mended clothing, tended to illness and injury and cheered her family on their way. Her canned fruit, hand dipped chocolates, "waffle cookies", quilts, crocheting and gathering the family for dinner every evening made her house a home her children and loved ones would return to again and again. She vigilantly ensured everyone had a full stomach, was well rested, had some money in their pocket and most importantly – had her unconditional love. She was and will forever remain our angel mother.
Trips to Yellowstone, winters in St. George, the Bar J Wranglers, the movie and play South Pacific, hummingbirds, giving and receiving greeting cards and the hundreds of tulips and daffodils that bloom in her yard each spring were some of her favorite things.
Serving in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints was always an important part of her life as she faithfully magnified her many callings especially as a missionary companion to her husband Chuck and as a visiting teacher. Her neighbors, friends and family knew she wasn't one to wait around to be called to serve. "Because I have been blessed by thy great love, dear Lord. I'll share Thy love again, according to Thy word. I shall give love to those in need; I'll show that love by word and deed: Thus shall my thanks be thanks in deed," were words to a hymn she sang and more importantly – words she lived by. None knew this better than her posterity who gratefully received the very best of her service as mother, grandmother and great-grandmother.
On February 8, 1952 she married her eternal companion, Charles Ray Hancey, in the Logan LDS Temple. The eternal legacy of love and family they started lives on the lives of their children, Shauna (Dave) Christiansen, Ogden; Jana (Craig) Manscill, Lindon; LaRaun (Dave) Nielsen, Harrisville; Heidi (Lyle) Bauer, Calgary, Canada; and Chad (Tracy) Hancey, Layton; 28 grandchildren and 29 great-grandchildren.
She was preceded in death by her beloved husband, Chuck; parents, brother Jay, and three sisters, Helen, Eloise and Mary, and twin granddaughters.
Funeral services will be held on Wednesday, November 14, 2012 at 11 a.m. at Ogden LDS Stake Center, 1000 East Suncrest Dr., Ogden. Friends may visit with family on Tuesday from 6 to 8 p.m. at Lindquist's North Ogden Mortuary, 2140 N. Washington Blvd., and Wednesday from 9:30 to 10:30 a.m. at the church.
Interment, Lindquist's Memorial Gardens of the Wasatch, 1718 Combe Road.
Special thanks to the caregivers at Pine View Rehab, The Gardens Assisted Living, and our angels, Heidi Sines and Camille Schmidt from Intermountain Homecare and Hospice.
In lieu of flowers, please make donations to Primary Children's Medical Center, 100 Mario Capecchi Dr., Salt Lake City, UT 84113.
I'll love you forever, Grandma.
The Five Stages of Grief: denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, acceptance.
We meet again.
Denial has been taking over my mind for days now - maybe even weeks. Your Grandma is not feeling good. Your Grandma is not eating. Your Grandma is having a hard time breathing. She'll be fine. She'll get through this - she always does. Your Grandma is only going to get worse. Your Grandma only has a few days left - it could be tonight even, or tomorrow.
Oh.
This is real. This is happening again. Anger. Raging anger. Because your Grandma is gone. Because this women you have looked up to for your whole life is actually gone. I've always noticed that bad things tend to happen to good people. Dad, doesn't that make you wonder when it will be our turn? Now. Our turn is now. Here is a horrible, difficult, impossible part of life. Now deal with it.
But not without God's help.
And that lessens the anger a little bit.
Bargaining is not part of my grieving process - it never has been. It feels... tacky. Everything happens for a reason, so why questions God's motives. Instead, just cry. Cry, and cry, and cry. Cry until you think there are no tears left. Cry because you miss your Grandma. Cry because your dad just lost his mother. His mother. Cry because you are so grateful your mother is still here. Cry until you fall asleep. And then wake up and continue crying. Let the sadness consume you, because being sad is better than being numb.
And then suddenly, you're done crying. You feel loving, warm, familiar arms around you - even though no one else is there. And you remember how much your Grandma missed her loving, sweet husband, and how happy she is to be with him again - forever this time. And it's hard to be sad or angry when you know how happy she is. And she's standing with her husband, and her parents, and her siblings at the right hand of God - and they are all smiling, and waiting for the rest of us to join them in Eternity. They're happy. So this wasn't horrible and impossible after all. It was marvelous, and wonderful! And she's happy! And it's okay for you to be happy that she's happy, because that is what she would want. And acceptance comes easier, and more quickly because you know that you will see her again someday.
Next week we will be laying to rest my dear, sweet Grandmother next to my loving Grandfather, and we will be rejoicing in the knowledge that they are together forever at last.
Zona Allen Hancey (1930-2012)
Along with her sisters, Helen, Mary and Eloise, and brother Jay, Zona looked after the family home and their mother while their father herded sheep in the hills surrounding Portage. She refused to leave her mother alone and would frequently forgo trips into Tremonton or Malad with friends so her mother would have company and help with the chores. The friends she made there and in Ogden, including her co-workers at the IRS, remained the kind of friends who understood what's important in life and remained true and faithful to one another and their Savior even in the most difficult of circumstances.
Zona loved being a mother. She chauffeured, cooked, made and mended clothing, tended to illness and injury and cheered her family on their way. Her canned fruit, hand dipped chocolates, "waffle cookies", quilts, crocheting and gathering the family for dinner every evening made her house a home her children and loved ones would return to again and again. She vigilantly ensured everyone had a full stomach, was well rested, had some money in their pocket and most importantly – had her unconditional love. She was and will forever remain our angel mother.
Trips to Yellowstone, winters in St. George, the Bar J Wranglers, the movie and play South Pacific, hummingbirds, giving and receiving greeting cards and the hundreds of tulips and daffodils that bloom in her yard each spring were some of her favorite things.
Serving in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints was always an important part of her life as she faithfully magnified her many callings especially as a missionary companion to her husband Chuck and as a visiting teacher. Her neighbors, friends and family knew she wasn't one to wait around to be called to serve. "Because I have been blessed by thy great love, dear Lord. I'll share Thy love again, according to Thy word. I shall give love to those in need; I'll show that love by word and deed: Thus shall my thanks be thanks in deed," were words to a hymn she sang and more importantly – words she lived by. None knew this better than her posterity who gratefully received the very best of her service as mother, grandmother and great-grandmother.
On February 8, 1952 she married her eternal companion, Charles Ray Hancey, in the Logan LDS Temple. The eternal legacy of love and family they started lives on the lives of their children, Shauna (Dave) Christiansen, Ogden; Jana (Craig) Manscill, Lindon; LaRaun (Dave) Nielsen, Harrisville; Heidi (Lyle) Bauer, Calgary, Canada; and Chad (Tracy) Hancey, Layton; 28 grandchildren and 29 great-grandchildren.
She was preceded in death by her beloved husband, Chuck; parents, brother Jay, and three sisters, Helen, Eloise and Mary, and twin granddaughters.
Funeral services will be held on Wednesday, November 14, 2012 at 11 a.m. at Ogden LDS Stake Center, 1000 East Suncrest Dr., Ogden. Friends may visit with family on Tuesday from 6 to 8 p.m. at Lindquist's North Ogden Mortuary, 2140 N. Washington Blvd., and Wednesday from 9:30 to 10:30 a.m. at the church.
Interment, Lindquist's Memorial Gardens of the Wasatch, 1718 Combe Road.
Special thanks to the caregivers at Pine View Rehab, The Gardens Assisted Living, and our angels, Heidi Sines and Camille Schmidt from Intermountain Homecare and Hospice.
In lieu of flowers, please make donations to Primary Children's Medical Center, 100 Mario Capecchi Dr., Salt Lake City, UT 84113.
I'll love you forever, Grandma.
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